So here's my 99th page for the 99th Page Blogfest. This is from a first draft, so I'm sure mistakes abound. Criticisms and comment are welcome!
“Then that's the age they will appear. I think the Shores allow a person to age up until a certain point. They were created by the Gods and the Gods are a very narcissistic bunch. Most of them only want beauty in their lands. To them the young are beautiful, the old are not,” Emerson looked intently at Penny, obviously trying to gauge whether or not she understood it all.
“You said its not uncommon for oneironauts to show up in different time periods. So, you can come back to Earth from the Shores?” Penny asked.
“Yes, but when you return, Earth will recognize you and age you to the point you were when you left. Some oneironauts will spend five or ten years here then spend decades in the City of Dreams then return to Earth for another five or so years. Some decide to live out their one Earth lifetime in one go,” Emerson said as he thumbed through yet another album.
“But, my parents don't show any aging. Why?” Penny was getting a funny feeling in her stomach.
Emerson didn't answer immediately, but laid out the next album for Penny to see. It was different than the others. The pages were yellowed, everything was hand written, and it was leather bound. It smelled of years of dust. She looked at the picture. There were her parents once again in black and white. They stared out without smiling. Her mother sat on a chair and wore a very modest dress, the skirt went down to the floor and looked heavy and voluminous. Her hair was pulled up in a bun at the base of her neck and had a severe center part. Next to her, stood Penny's father. He wore a dark suit that wasn't tailored very well. His always present mustache was longer than usual, coming to points that stuck out from his face.
Penny looked at what was written below the image: “Mr. Barnaby Masters and Mrs. Celia Masters, Founders of the Institute, 1896”.
“What does all this mean?” Penny said as she stared at the page. Her stomach was doing flip flops now and her cheeks felt flushed.
This was a little hard to get into at first, but by the end I was very intrigued. I like how you said the Earth recognizes them and will catch them up to their real ages What is the Institute?
ReplyDeleteYes, out of context the terms were a stumbling block, but I did say a curse word at the end....#$@%% it was just getting good! I really like you description of the photos.
ReplyDeleteNice writing. I would want to read on.
ReplyDeleteI curious to know what the Institute is as well as the shore. And I'm curious if this is taking place present day (I'm assuming it is). I'm intrigued and would keep reading.
ReplyDeleteSounds like an interesting world here, which I'd like to know more about. I'd read on to close out the scene then double back to get the start.
ReplyDeleteThanks for participating.
Funny you mention that, Alicia. My first 500 words are posted on Day 30 :) I entered them in Lydia Shard critique contest.
ReplyDeletehttp://leahraemiller.blogspot.com/2011/01/day-30-skipped-day-but-thats-okay.html
Yeah! I wasn't sure at first, mostly because I was out of the loop, but I love the end. Spooky, intruiging. Definitely a hook for me.
ReplyDeletePenny voiced my thoughts exactly at the end there! I loved this line: "It smelled of years of dust". So perfectly expressed. Lovely excerpt.
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteInteresting otherworld experience, and enjoyable snippet so yes I'd like to know more. ;)
best
F
I think Penny's final bit of dialogue sums it up for me: what does this all mean? And I mean that in a GOOD way. I'd read more just to find out more about the mythology. :)
ReplyDeleteI like that there's back story in the middle of the novel, that means the beginning isn't too bogged down. I liked the mythology too. Very cool!
ReplyDeleteIt would be interesting to find out more. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI like the background, the word building. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI have a Penny too! What a great name.
ReplyDeleteThis is a lot of (the always dreaded) exposition, but I'm intrigued. Are her parent's immortal? Is she? What's Emerson's story?
I'd definitely turn the page!
Marie, http://marierearden.blogspot.com
I love the images in the photo album. I'd read on to find out more about them. The beginning was a bit confusing, but this IS page 99 after all.
ReplyDeleteI'd read on!
Love the name Penny. Love the mystery that's left hanging with the end of the page. I'm very interested to know what your story's about and what, exactly, IS going on. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteLove this! I would definitely read on. I want to know about this anti-aging family... it sounds like a mystery is to be found there somewhere, and I love a mystery.
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